Dungeons and Vocaloids
by Der Blaue Wolf
Summary: What happens when Miku-chan and her friends discover D&D. Well, a lot actually... Crack-fic.


Dungeons & Vocaloids

Miku: "Remind me, who suggested Kaito should be DM?"

Luka: "Well the rest of us all wanted to play ourselves, so it was actually quite nice of him to do this for us."

Miku: "I appreciate that, but if we have one more damn encounter with a 'Dashing blue-headed prince' I might just kill him."

Len: "The prince or Kaito?"

Miku: "Both!"

Kaito: "My sweet princess, whatever could be the matter?"

Miku: "Shut up, and lets get on with the game."

Kaito: "Alright, so your party enter the palace, and meet with the dashing blue-haired king."

Miku: "I cast Hellball on him."

Kaito: "You can't do that! It's an epic spell, and you're only level 5."

Miku: _Show's Kaito character sheet._ "I think I can actually."

Kaito: "Whaaaat? But how does that work... never mind, he's got spell resistance 100000."

Miku: "Epic spells bypass spell resistance."

Kaito: "Eh? Er... He's also immortal."

Luka: "I don't think we can get out of this one."

Miku: "I know a way. I pray to my deity."

Rin: "Who's your deity."

Miku: "Wolfie-sama."

Everyone else: "EH?"

Luka: "Please think about this carefully Miku-chan. You know that Wolfie-sama's a bit..."

Miku: "What's that about my husubandu?"

Kaito: _Near-death. _"Husubandu? Since when?"

Miku: "Since he first listened to 'World is Mine.' He asked me to join his grand harem. I'm number two."

Mysterious voice: "Two and a half."

Miku: "Oh great, it's you."

Luka: "Who is that?"

Shana Sanaki: "Wolfie-sama's other Waifu two and a half. Miku and I tied for second place overall."

Miku: _Glaring at Shana._ "He obviously cares about me more!"

Shana: "Keep telling yourself that."

Luka: "Miku, I didn't know you were in a relationship like that..."

Rin & Len (AKA, Lin &Ren): "Wow, your in an arguably stranger relationship than we are."

Luka: "Well... incest is fairly unusual."

Lin, or Ren (We aren't sure any more): "You don't have to make it sound so strange."

Luka: "Well, you know, it is kinda weird."

Rin: "Onii-chan, Luka's being mean to me." _Cries into her brother's shoulder._

Kaito: _Dead in a corner. _"Miku-chan... was married..."

Luka: "Oh damn, there goes our DM."

Miku: "Thank goodness... but now who's going to be DM?"

Shana: "I could..."

Miku: "NO!"

Luka: "Why not ask your husband?"

Miku: "Good idea." _Pulls out phone and speed dials '1.' _"Hey, Satoru dear, could you come be DM for my friends and me. Our original DM died when he found out I was married to you. Aw... thanks sweety, see you soon." _Hangs up._

Shana: "'Sweety?' Since when has he let you call him that?"

Miku: "Since I asked him."

Shana: "But... he said he'd rather not have a nickname!"

Miku: "Maybe he does care about me more."

Shana: "NO HE DOESN'T BITCH!"

_Miku and Shana stand next to each other, glaring at each other, as a green aura rises around Shana, and a slightly more turquoise aura rises around Miku._

Mysterious voice of awesomeness: "Ladies, please, don't fight over little old me."

Shana & Miku: "It's... WOLFIE-SAMA!"

_Epic theme tune plays, suitably epic special effects appear from nowhere, and a figure steps out of the mist (yeah, the Kagamine twins had a spare mist machine somewhere) his epicness beyond all proportions._

WOLFIE-SAMA, THE WRITER!, LORD OF AWESOME AND WIN, AKA SATORU KLEIN: "Hey Miku dear, Shana darling."

Miku: "Thanks for coming sweety!"

WOLFIE-SAMA: "That's alright Miku-chama." _At narrator. _"Also, why is my name in block capitals?"

_Well, it's mainly to show off just how much awesomeness and win you have. That, and I accidentally hit caps lock. Also, considering I am you, how are we having a conversation like this?_

Wolfie: "We are currently existing as two separate yet connected entities. The exact physics of this are beyond the comprehension of any lesser being, but they are also responsible for the many alternate continuities that end up occurring due to fanfiction."

_Right... I somehow understood that..._

Wolfie: "Anyway, so, what's happened in this game so far?"

Miku: "We've encountered about 50 'dashing blue haired princes,' who I've beaten the crap out of with my mace."

Luka: "Somehow that got us up to level 5, without running into any other monsters."

Shana: "I never understood why a cleric can't stab you with a butter knife, but can bludgeon you to death with a mace."

Wolfie: "That's somebody else's material Shana."

Shana: "Aw~ that's just great."

Wofie: "Anyway, let's get on with the game."

_

* * *

The Kagamine twins crept down a hallway, the two rogues ready for anything. Well, not quite anything. I mean, when a dragon came down the corridor towards them, they simultaneously shit themselves._

Len: "Quick, let's get back to the others."

_The brave, brave, brave, brave Kagamines ran away._

Rin: "Oh do stop quoting Python at us!"

_They were not afraid to be killed in nasty ways._

Len: "There are the others."

_The pair run up to Miku and Luka._

Miku (Cleric): "So how did it go?"

Len: "Oh, not too bad, apart from the dragon."

Luka (Wizard): "DRAGON?"

Rin: "Yeah, a dragon. It was chasing us back here, but due to narrative chance, it hasn't caught us up yet."

Miku: "Thank god/Wolfie-sama. That gives us time to prepare." _Kneels down to pray._

Rin: "How is prayer going to help?"

Luka: "Don't argue, here it comes!"

_Enter rounds. Roll initiative. Turn order: Rin, Len, Luka, FECKING MASSIVE DRAGON!, Miku._

_Rin's turn._ _Moves towards dragon. Attack: Sly Flourish. D6+8 damage. FECKING MASSIVE DRAGON! is uninjured.  
Len's turn. Throws dagger at dragon. D4+1 damage. FECKING MASSIVE DRAGON! is uninjured.  
Luka's turn. Casts: Fireball. 5D6 damage. FECKING MASSIVE DRAGON! is barely injured._

Luka: YEAH! TAKE THAT!

_FECKING MASSIVE DRAGON!'s turn. Moves to base contact with Len and Luka. Rin, attack of opportunity: d6+2. FECKING MASSIVE DRAGON! is barely injured. FECKING MASSIVE DRAGON! uses vampiric feast. Luka, Len and Rin take horrendously large amounts of damage, and are knocked unconscious._

Luka: "FUUUUUUUUU... urgh..."

_FECKING MASSIVE DRAGON! summons shade.  
Miku's turn..._

Rin: "Miku, if your prayer saves us now, I take back what I said earlier.

_Miku is praying. Prayer activates. Miku casts: Summon Avatar._

Miku: "Who said prayer was worthless?"

AVATAR OF WOLFIE!: "FECKING MASSIVE DRAGON!, I'll teach you, the only person with enough awesomeness to have their name in block capitals is ME!"

_AVATAR OF WOLFIE!'S turn. AVATAR OF WOLFIE! casts: DIVINE JUDGMENT!_

Miku: "Er, dear, that's a 'Tales of' spell you know."

AOW: "Miku dear, I'm the writer. I can do whatever the hell I want."

FECKING MASSIVE DRAGON!: "She has a point you know."

AOW: "Who's name is in block capitals?"

fecking massive dragon: Mine is... wait, you changed it! I'm screwed."

AOW: "Yeah, that's right."

_fmd takes d3..._

Miku: "That's small."

AOW: "Let it finish"

_...d300+d600+d100+9000 damage._

Miku: "That's loads of damage!"

AOW: "You could even say 'it's over NINE THOUSAAAND!'"

fecking dying dragon: "...

_fdd is dead. Shade is unsummoned._

Miku: "Wow, that was amazing Wolfie-sama. How did you do that?"

Wolfie: "Oh, I just have talent. I also finally found a way to make a decent mage-warrior!"

Miku: "THAT'S EVEN MORE AMAZING!"

Wolfie: "It's simple: play the DM."

Miku: "What? Is there really no other way?"

Wolfie: _Resurrecting Luka, Rin and Len. _"Well, there is one other way."

Miku: "How?"

Wolfie: "Cheat."

Miku: "I was hoping for a legal method."

Wolfie: "But it wouldn't be funny if I came up with a sane response would it?"

Miku: "It wasn't that funny anyway."

Wolfie: ":("

Luka: "How did you just say a sad-face?"

Wolfie: "I'm just that epic."

Miku: "Wolfie, epic as you are, remember that talk we had about the superiority complex?"

Wolfie: "Yes Miku dear."

Miku: "Good dear. We will sleep well tonight."

Luka: "Isn't that a bad thing? I mean, given that you're married?"

Miku: "When I say 'sleep well' I mean 'have a load of awesome sex.'"

Len & Rin: "Funny, that's what we were planning to do tonight."

_Everybody stares at them._

Luka: "You, know, while we're relatively conservative when it comes to incest, we'd rather not have you tell us your plans with regards to it."

Wolfie: "Anyway, moving swiftly on, it's time to move on. Oh but first, you've all levelled up to level 40."

Miku: "Eh? How did we get so much experience from one dragon?"

Luka, "It seems it was level 100."

Rin: "Isn't the maximum level 40?"

Wolfie: "Not for monsters. They can be any level the DM chooses to inflict on the PCs."

Miku: "You mean you sent a level 100 dragon after us?"

Wolfie: "Yeah, well I knew you could just pray for me if you needed."

Miku: "I suppose so."

Luka: "So, now we've all levelled up, shall we go."

Miku: "Shouldn't we rest first? I mean, after that monster, I think things'll only get harder."

Wolfie: "Don't worry, I am the DM after all. Trust me, I think all you'll need is Miku's mace."

Miku: "Eh? What do you mean Satoru?"

Wolfie: "You'll see."

_And so, our party (of 5? isn't there a restriction of 4?) traverse the dungeon, which is rather devoid of monsters._

Luka: "Why is their security so lax. I mean, we haven't run into anything yet, not even a trap."

Wolfie: "When you've got a giant level 100 dragon, you don't need to worry much about any other security, unless one of the internet gods, Chuck Norris, Cthullu, the Flying Spaghetti monster, Inglip, Cam Clarke (he is, don't deny it) or myself, is after you, in which case you're screwed whatever you do."

Luka: "What I'm wondering is who's dungeon this is. I mean, it's not very dark or dreary. In fact, you can't really call it a dungeon, even in the loosest sense, when the whole place is really well lit by all these torches, and there's a nice carpet under our feet."

Wolfie: "You'll understand at the next plot device."

_The intrepid party continue onwards with hope of reaching the end of the 'dungeon' within the next few hundred words, when they spy an imposing door at the end of the corridor._

Miku: "This must be it!"

Luka: "What makes you say that?"

Miku: "The big imposing door, the lock that it would take a level 20 rogue to open, the gold trim round the outside, and the big sign on it that says 'THE BOSS, THIS WAY' in big letters."

Luka: "How on Earth did I miss that."

Wolfie: "You rolled a natural 1 for your spot check."

Luka: "Right... realism just went out the window."

Miku: "Are we just going to stand here, or in the Kagamine's case, make-out violently, all day, or are we going to kick some ass?"

Rin: "Well actually..."

Miku: "Right, we're breaking the door down!"

_The party kick the door down, to reveal a massive room. Well, corridor._

Miku: "What? The boss was supposed to be here!"

Wolfie: _Picking up sign and reading from it. _"The boss, this way, 1 mile."

Miku: "How did I miss that? Wait, I rolled a 2 on my spot check... fine."

_1 mile later_

Miku: "Right, this is definitely the right door this time!"

_The party suffer deja vu as they kick the door down. This time, they behold a massive... corridor..._

Miku: "What. The. F***?"

Luka: "Due to rebuilding, some previous signs are incorrect. We apologise for any inconvenience. Boss, 1 mile."

_1 mile later._

Miku: "Right, this is it!"

_The party kick down the door to reveal... no not a corridor, but a grand throne room. A grand throne room devoid of all life._

Miku: "Where the feck is he?"

Rin & Len: "Out to lunch, back soon, the Boss."

_Half an hour later._

Mysterious voice: "Oh, sorry, did I keep you waiting?"

_The party turns from where they had been sitting on the floor... well Rin and Len had been making out in the corner... to see._

Miku: "YOU?"

Kaito: "Oh, my princess! Yes, 'tis I, this palace's boss."

Wolfie: "From one man to another Kaito, I'd run now."

Kaito: "Why?"

_Wolfie points to Miku, who is now slowly walking towards Kaito, mace in hand._

Miku: "I've just walked several miles to get here, I risked my life my praying in front of a dragon, I kicked down three doors, doing serious damaged to my high heels, and I find YOU here?" _Gives Kaito a demented smile, and evil glare._

Kaito: "Oh crap..." _Starts to run away, but Miku throws her mace into the back of his head, the runs up to him and beats him to a bloody pulp._

Wolfie: "Man knoweth no fury like the wrath of woman scorned."

Miku: Moving away from the bloody corpse she left. "Wolfie dear, after that exercise, I think I need some relaxation time."

Wolfie: "I won't argue. Well readers, while I go off and probably end up in a sixsome with my five waifus, you have a good time yourselves."

Bis Bald

BW

Miku: "Darling come on!"

Wolfie: "Coming sweetheart!"


End file.
